DENISE MAREK
How to Bounce Back
My 17-year-old daughter Brianna seems to bounce back with ease from challenges and changes. I became very aware of this trait in her when she was nine years old. At that time, I said to her, “Brianna, you’re my little bouncer. You always bounce back.”
She replied, “Mom, only deflated balls don’t bounce.”
While she likely wasn’t aware of just how wise her words were, what she said was profound: Only deflated balls don’t bounce. To bounce more easily from setbacks, changes, adversity, challenges, and obstacles in your life, you have become an inflated ball.
The key to becoming an inflated ball is to love yourself. Please understand I’m not referring to an egotistical self-love. An ego-based self-love often involves comparing yourself to other people. Comparing yourself to others isn’t a wise game to play because it forces one person to win and another to lose. Sometimes the winner in your opinion will be you; other times the loser in your opinion will be you. Any time you feel you come up short, that ego-based self-love can rapidly be replaced with self-condemnation and, in some cases, self-loathing. Ego-based self-love is very conditional.
Instead, what you want to develop is a healthy self-love. A healthy self-love is an unconditional love in which you know you’re worthy of your love simply because you’re you. It doesn’t require you to be better than anyone else so there’s no need to compare yourself to others. As an added bonus, loving yourself for who you are rather than based on comparisons, frees you from a variety of negative feelings such as jealousy, judgment, and insecurity.
To develop a healthy, unconditional self-love, start by thinking positively about yourself. This can seem like an impossible task. You may have criticized yourself and beaten yourself up over your perceived flaws and shortcomings for such a long time the negative thoughts are now so deeply ingrained in your mind, you believe they’re true.
The good news is you have the ability to change those beliefs by consciously changing your thoughts for the better. Doing so will literally change your brain for the better too. Dr. Caroline Leaf explains this well in her book, Who Switched Off My Brain? Controlling Toxic Thoughts and Emotions. Leaf writes, “The surprising truth is that every single thought – whether it is positive or negative – goes through the same cycle when it forms. Thoughts are basically electrical impulses, chemicals and neurons. They look like a tree with branches. As the thoughts grow and become permanent, more branches grow and the connections become stronger. As we change our thinking, some branches go away, new ones form, the strength of the connections change, and the memories network with other thoughts.”
This means, the more you work on consciously changing your thoughts for the better, the easier it will become to think positively because the branches and connections of negative thinking will vanish and those of the positive thoughts will strengthen and grow.
To start this process, go to work on replacing deflating thoughts with inflating ones. For instance, if you find yourself saying, “I’m not capable of achieving the calling in my heart because I tried it in the past and it didn’t work.” Remind yourself that your past doesn’t dictate your future and all things are possible. Just because something didn’t work for you in the past, doesn’t mean it won’t work for you today. Make a positive declaration over your life. Say, “I’m smarter, stronger, and more capable than I’ve ever been before. I believe in myself. I can do it!”
As another example, if you’re berating yourself over a mistake you made, remind yourself, “I may not be perfect, but nobody is and I will not demand it from myself. I’m wise enough to learn from my mistakes, correct my actions in the future, and move forward with inner peace.”
You are blessed. You are loved. You are capable. Keep repeating phrases and truths that fill you up from the inside out until you become an inflated ballÂinflated with a healthy love of self. With that new unconditional self-love, you’ll be able to bounce back with greater ease from whatever life brings your way. You’ll also be able to expand that love to othersÂloving them with a non-judgmental, unconditional love too. By consciously choosing to inflate your own ball, you’ll end up inflating those around you. Happy bouncing.